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coldie
August 7th, 2006, 12:35 PM
Warning: You've probably heard this before.

Any respectable retailer would rather hide pornography on high shelves or special rooms so kids can't see what they can look forward to later in life. However, customers are always insistant on knowing where the porn is when they search high and low through BB. Now being tired with the question, I like to use my loud, projecting volume voice to announce "No sir, we don't have PORN here." However, it's a lot more fun when they just ask for "the key" to "the room."

So, an older man comes and says "can I get the key to the room?"

"Sure," I give him the key, assuming he meant the restroom.

Ten minutes later he comes back up front... get ready for it... "That was a bathroom!" "Yeah, and?" "Well, it says unisex on the door, I thought that's where you kept the dirty movies!"

Me: We don't carry those, we're a FAMILY store.
Cust: Well, how do you think families are made?!

*Proceeds to pull out sharpened yellow lock and slice my throat with it*

Kool-Aid Man
August 7th, 2006, 01:27 PM
I had a customer call me up last week asking if we rented out adult movies. I told him that we didn't He asked me where he COULD rent some adult movies.

I told him, "Well, we don't rent them out. I don't know if Movie Gallery or Hollywood Video does, but I'm pretty sure Family Video does. You can give them a try."

He say, "Okay, what are their numbers?"

I say, "I don't know, we don't have their numbers."

He says, "Look them up for me, please."

I said, "Uhm, no thank you" and hung up on him.

Yes, rude of me, but that's not my job. He's obviously not renting out from here, so he's not a customer. And I'm not a phone operator.

johnlow71
August 7th, 2006, 01:54 PM
Ohhhhhhhhhhh Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh@!@!$!%!!#$

Ridge
August 7th, 2006, 02:21 PM
My usual respons to the question is "Here at Blockbuster, our job is to entertain families, not help make them." Of course, I did get a few unique questions in regards to that topic. I think the best one was when I had this Mexican come up to me, and he was asking me about something, but didn't know the word. So, asked "Where are movies about" then he humping the air, getting the arms going and all. I had to try really hard not to laugh about that one.

barvermit
August 7th, 2006, 02:37 PM
We have rather a large selection at our store. Okay they are not Hardcore porn but they are definatley Porn. With a great selection of "Titles":p
Pleasure Chest - Never say no to Nookie
The Ambasadors dirty daughter
Desperatley Sexy Housewives
5 Blondes Gagging

the boy wonder uk
August 7th, 2006, 02:53 PM
5 Blondes Gagging

great title!!!!!!!!!!!

SavageUK
August 7th, 2006, 02:55 PM
Me: We don't carry those, we're a FAMILY store.

Yeah, family includes the father who's not getting shit from the wife and so needs to toss whenever she's taking the kids to aunties. Though the "porn" we rent out in the UK isn't anything special, nothing explicit shown so... maybe you rent the same things out there but don't consider it "porn".

johnlow71
August 7th, 2006, 03:12 PM
speaking of mexicansssssssssss:)

MissHailstorm
August 7th, 2006, 03:52 PM
Yeah, family includes the father who's not getting shit from the wife and so needs to toss whenever she's taking the kids to aunties. Though the "porn" we rent out in the UK isn't anything special, nothing explicit shown so... maybe you rent the same things out there but don't consider it "porn".
Oh, but have you seen we've got those new ones in now? Don't know if they're any better, but they certainly look better! 'Last Girl Standing' and 'Mail Order Bride'. At least the front covers don't have a bunch of munters on them.

I refer you to 'Busty Cops':
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000189KNO.02._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V1132236418_.jpg

outcastaside
August 7th, 2006, 04:13 PM
I love it when a guy comes up to you asking if you have porn and states, "I'm going to be alone tonight..."

Well, I would hope so...

I had a guy come in late one night and ask me if I had any porn. I told him the Temple of Flesh movies have been popular lately and directed him towards our copy. He came up and asked (whispered) if I had any with women masturbating.

I eventually directed him towards Hustler. lol

brantheman
August 7th, 2006, 04:14 PM
C: Where do you have the adult videos?

Me: Down the road about fifteen miles at a store called Loveworks.

Antithesys
August 7th, 2006, 04:56 PM
My response is "No, we don't. That's what the internet is for."

OzMan
August 7th, 2006, 05:00 PM
We have rather a large selection at our store. Okay they are not Hardcore porn but they are definatley Porn. With a great selection of "Titles":p
Pleasure Chest - Never say no to Nookie
The Ambasadors dirty daughter
Desperatley Sexy Housewives
5 Blondes Gagging


You poor misguided soul.

They are so not porn:rolleyes:


:D

rk237
August 7th, 2006, 05:03 PM
My first night ever at BB, I had a guy come in who was extremely drunk, dragging his steps and slurring his speech.
He asked me where we keep "the skin flix.." I let him know that we don't carry that particular genre, but he didn't understand my answer so he just asked me again, louder "whererer are the skkins flix..."

So again I told him that we didn't carry any (I was uncomfortable -- he was my first "abnormal" out-of-regular routine customer. We were dead, but I could see my managers' eyes all watching me to see how I would handle this.)

Finally, the guy shouted "Where'rere' the sffSFUCK Msmovies keptpt at?" So I said "Oh! I know where to lead you for that. Right through this door sir" and pointed at our exit. Finally satisfied that he had gotten through to me, he dragged himself through the exit door and I never heard from him again. :)

zooworker
August 7th, 2006, 08:18 PM
Lately we get more women asking for "adult movies" than men. :confused:

SavageUK
August 7th, 2006, 10:44 PM
Oh, but have you seen we've got those new ones in now? Don't know if they're any better, but they certainly look better! 'Last Girl Standing' and 'Mail Order Bride'. At least the front covers don't have a bunch of munters on them.

They look "better"? They'll be the same dick-tease as all the rest - well I say dick-tease, they didn't really even tease because they're all full of munters like you said. Wish we had some proper porn in....

Speaking of which, my store hasn't had any new ones in for ages, you the same?

brantheman
August 7th, 2006, 11:19 PM
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000189KNO.02._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V1132236418_.jpg

Is it just me, or does the chick on the right seem strangely familiar to me? Pirates, anyone? It's a lustful journey across the tainted sea!

igniteice
August 8th, 2006, 01:30 AM
This young couple rented one of our infamous softcore Drama titles and they brought the cover box up to me instead of the actual movie case behind it. Idiots. Except, they had other rentals too and had their card out and everything. So the guy or woman, whichever it was, waits up front and I start bringing up the account, while the other runs back and gets the movie. They were laughing hysterically about the whole cover case deal.

Alright, so they were out of town or something - they told me they were just visiting and all, I added them to our system. Again, they're laughing a lot about this whole deal. I never really got why it was so funny. So I tell them the due date on these movies and they say something like, "Oh, a week? Great, we can watch it a... few times." And then they said something about moving the TV into the bedroom, or some crap like that. I don't know, but it was fucking repulsive.

Basically, imagine this young couple, about 28-31, renting some typical movies, but then adding this softcore crap to the pile, and then openly discussing their plans for said movie with you and everyone else in line. Yeah, there was a line. And the looks on their faces... priceless.

If I could ever remember all the things they said, it would be even better. Like, they kept joking with each other about the movie, as if they'd never rented a movie like this before and they were all ready to 'get it on' with each other while watching the movie. And they got a kick out of talking about it IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, namely me.

MissHailstorm
August 8th, 2006, 04:04 AM
They look "better"? They'll be the same dick-tease as all the rest - well I say dick-tease, they didn't really even tease because they're all full of munters like you said. Wish we had some proper porn in....

Speaking of which, my store hasn't had any new ones in for ages, you the same?
Really? We had two more in on Monday, 'Sexy Mature Housewives' and 'Behind the Forbidden Door 2'. The usual type, complete with munters.

Is it just me, or does the chick on the right seem strangely familiar to me? Pirates, anyone? It's a lustful journey across the tainted sea!
The one on the right is a CHICK?! :eek: ;)

She's Jesse Jane (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1377478/), who was in Pirates! Looks like 'Busty Cops' was her first credit... ahhh... humble beginnings...




Now then, let's establish how come you're so familiar with this film...? :p

Erythro42
August 8th, 2006, 06:11 AM
Is it just me, or does the chick on the right seem strangely familiar to me? Pirates, anyone? It's a lustful journey across the tainted sea!

Haha. We just got our "RATED R" stickers to put on Pirates, but it doesn't always solve the problem. This one kid managed to clamber up and grab a copy, and he demanded that his father rent it for him. You know how the Veruca Salt children get, "but I want it NOW!" and they went back and forth until the dad was screaming at him in the middle of the store "That movie is not for you! Put it back now!

I always wonder how many people "accidentally" rent pseudo-porns.

I did have one elderly gentleman in a wheelchair demand his money back because the movies were "defective". I couldn't figure out what he meant until he finally explained that the "good bits" were all cut out. I told him that's just how the movies were, but I was trying not to laugh imagining him concocting this paranoid image in his mind of someone renting the movie and editing out all the porn.

SavageUK
August 8th, 2006, 08:47 AM
Really? We had two more in on Monday, 'Sexy Mature Housewives' and 'Behind the Forbidden Door 2'. The usual type, complete with munters.

I don't know why we aren't getting any more copies, maybe HO have just decided that only certain Grades of stores should get them, despite the fact our store rents them really well, and they continue to rent well after they go to 7-night.

Aphrodite
August 9th, 2006, 06:57 PM
I dont have any softcore in the gold section. It all gets sold off before it goes to a B code. Sells like hot cakes too :p

SavageUK
August 9th, 2006, 08:03 PM
I dont have any softcore in the gold section. It all gets sold off before it goes to a B code. Sells like hot cakes too :p
Why, when it rents so well from 7-night? I know we had to PV a lot from a E-mail from Operations quite recently, but there are still a couple that remain I think.

Will5K
August 9th, 2006, 08:20 PM
.
Cust: Well, how do you think families are made?!

You should of told him "By having sex, not jerking off to other people having it!"

Aphrodite
August 9th, 2006, 08:47 PM
Why, when it rents so well from 7-night? I know we had to PV a lot from a E-mail from Operations quite recently, but there are still a couple that remain I think.

Every time a new softcore comes in, then an old one gets pvd.

Its the circle of life :D

SavageUK
August 9th, 2006, 09:02 PM
Every time a new softcore comes in, then an old one gets pvd.

Its the circle of life :D
Ah I see :)

That works well for you as they are still giving you new ones.

exfacior
August 10th, 2006, 08:38 PM
pirates http://buy.hotmovies.com/details.link/tid/871213/cfid/3065874/cftoken/97148979
is IN! well.. the rated R version. hooray for porn!

MissHailstorm
August 13th, 2006, 01:03 PM
I dont have any softcore in the gold section. It all gets sold off before it goes to a B code. Sells like hot cakes too :p
Yeah, we're the same. No porn in the BSI. I think it dates back from that 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' thing; we advertised the BSI films as only being "the best films ever made". :D

SavageUK
August 13th, 2006, 01:53 PM
Yeah, we're the same. No porn in the BSI. I think it dates back from that 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' thing; we advertised the BSI films as only being "the best films ever made". :D
Nah fuck that shit, give them satisfaction with 3 for 5 softcore.

Aphrodite
August 13th, 2006, 05:31 PM
Nah, fuck that shit, make them pay full price for their 'satisfaction' :D

Adornedatom
August 13th, 2006, 05:33 PM
I never understood the point of 7 night 'porn'. I'd imagine most of our customers would be getting bored 3 minutes after putting the damn thing on. :confused:

Aphrodite
August 13th, 2006, 05:57 PM
3 minutes is pretty fast - even for softcore porn renters...


lets be generous and give them 15 :p

MissHailstorm
August 14th, 2006, 05:14 AM
The way I see it, people who want porn will pay top whack.

Also, they don't need a variety, if it's got naked women getting boned, it'll do, won't it?!

I also don't like the idea that we could give 'cheap thrills'. :eek:

coldie
August 14th, 2006, 07:55 AM
The way I see it, people who want porn will pay top whack.

Also, they don't need a variety, if it's got naked women getting boned, it'll do, won't it?!

I also don't like the idea that we could give 'cheap thrills'. :eek:

I already worry enough about where the movies I shelve have been, and in what hands, and that's just regular movies! If they're mysteriously sticky or wet, I panic! Hand sanitizer is your friend (if it works or not, it's still peace of mind). I would HATE to see what kind of filth customers would leave on porn, while rubbing up on other movies in the drop box. It's completely unsanitary.

Jizz covered amarays? No thanks.

rk237
August 14th, 2006, 07:58 AM
The way I see it, people who want porn will pay top whack.

Well selected words! ;)

MissHailstorm
August 14th, 2006, 11:30 AM
Well selected words! ;)

I know, I should write for 'The Sun'. :D

photoboy
August 14th, 2006, 11:49 AM
'The Sun' you're more famous then that :)

Aphrodite
August 14th, 2006, 06:40 PM
I know, I should write for 'The Sun'. :D

All you need now is photoshop to turn football managers heads into a selection of vegetables and youre all set :D

MissHailstorm
August 18th, 2006, 08:42 AM
All you need now is photoshop to turn football managers heads into a selection of vegetables and youre all set :D

I'm already a dab-hand at Photoshop, actually. I used it to turn one of our staff members into 'Superman'.:D

2for2pounds
August 18th, 2006, 04:56 PM
We have a hotel right across the road from our store so we often get guests coming in to join up and rent as the place doesn't seem to have sky or cable.

Guy comes in one day.

Joins up, rents porn, comes in 2 hours later and dumps it on the counter and claps his hands and rubs them together saying "lovely job cheers guys" and we never see him again

MissHailstorm
August 18th, 2006, 05:39 PM
We have a hotel right across the road from our store so we often get guests coming in to join up and rent as the place doesn't seem to have sky or cable.

Guy comes in one day.

Joins up, rents porn, comes in 2 hours later and dumps it on the counter and claps his hands and rubs them together saying "lovely job cheers guys" and we never see him again

Eeeewwwww... :eek:

Aphrodite
August 18th, 2006, 06:31 PM
We have a really old man with one of those old man names like Engleburt or something similar...He always comes in and ONLY rents the softcores :D

Woodstock
August 18th, 2006, 08:59 PM
At a place that I used to work at, we sold playboy videos and the like. We used to get this guy that came in once a week, and bought about 5 of them each time. He had to have a better collection then we sold!

SavageUK
August 19th, 2006, 12:38 AM
We have a hotel right across the road from our store so we often get guests coming in to join up and rent as the place doesn't seem to have sky or cable.

Guy comes in one day.

Joins up, rents porn, comes in 2 hours later and dumps it on the counter and claps his hands and rubs them together saying "lovely job cheers guys" and we never see him again
Lololol, I wouldn't be able to stop laughing after that if that was my store :)

MissHailstorm
August 19th, 2006, 10:48 AM
We have a really old man with one of those old man names like Engleburt or something similar...He always comes in and ONLY rents the softcores :D

We have one we call "shaky porn guy". He must be about 90 if he's a day.

On Thursday, I was most offended that 3 people rented softcores during the course of the evening. One guy even rented 3! Perhaps we'd have rented more if they weren't all booked out! :eek:

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 05:50 PM
Give it a couple of years and our stores will be 1/3 new release, 1/3 BSI, 1/3 SOFTCORE PORN :eek:

:p

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 06:28 PM
Give it a couple of years and our stores will be 1/3 new release, 1/3 BSI, 1/3 SOFTCORE PORN :eek:

:p

let me guess which section koi would be in charge of? :rolleyes:

oh its good to be back

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 06:43 PM
Oh its good to have you back :D

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 06:45 PM
the joy of making people cry is what i missed the most :D oh and you.....aphrodite and the porn :D

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 06:48 PM
the joy of making people cry is what i missed the most :D oh and you.....aphrodite and the porn :D

There have been some new members deserving of tears.
The newest is on right now, actually.

By the way, did you notice the new multiple quote button?

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 06:54 PM
By the way, did you notice the new multiple quote button?

I did!

By the way, did you notice the new multiple quote button?

I did!

There have been some new members deserving of tears.
The newest is on right now, actually.

whose the new bastard that deserves to die!

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 07:09 PM
the joy of making people cry is what i missed the most :D oh and you.....aphrodite and the porn :D


Im glad I was your second thought in that list :D

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 07:13 PM
Im glad I was your second thought in that list :D

you would be #1 put porn is pretty strong. i'd give my right hand for it, well not righty, you can take lefty. :D

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 07:14 PM
you would be #1 put porn is pretty strong. i'd give my right hand for it, well not righty, you can take lefty. :D

Possibly the funniest thing I have read this month. :D

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 07:22 PM
you would be #1 put porn is pretty strong. i'd give my right hand for it, well not righty, you can take lefty. :D


..actually, you put making people cry as #1, me as #2 and porn as #3 :eek:

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 07:23 PM
Possibly the funniest thing I have read this month. :D


He didnt win IHBB awards 2006 Funniest Poster for nothing you know ;)

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 07:27 PM
Possibly the funniest thing I have read this month. :D

this month? how about in life :D
..actually, you put making people cry as #1, me as #2 and porn as #3 :eek:

your math confuses me. uuummmm porn

He didnt win IHBB awards 2006 Funniest Poster for nothing you know ;)

the awards should be semi-annual

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 07:33 PM
the awards should be semi-annual

hah, Monkeys knackered after doing all that. I was knackered and I was only helping!

..and dont forget all the polls and votemongering we have to go through first...:p

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 07:34 PM
Hmm. I should start campaigning for something then.

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 07:36 PM
hah, Monkeys knackered after doing all that. I was knackered and I was only helping!

..and dont forget all the polls and votemongering we have to go through first...:p

i forgot about the cheating. i won fair and square. i am by far the best dumbass here! and i promised porn. what can i promise the next go around?

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 07:45 PM
Hmm. I should start campaigning for something then.

Something??? Yeah, Ill vote for that :p

i forgot about the cheating. i won fair and square. i am by far the best dumbass here! and i promised porn. what can i promise the next go around?

Damn, its going to be hard to win votes with out porn next time:eek:

When I won the best porn poster poll (before the official polls) I had pmed everybody on the entire forum who had posted in the last month :D

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 07:56 PM
Something??? Yeah, Ill vote for that :p


All right, I have a vote for something. Yes!
Now I need a platform.

And definitely minions.

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 08:01 PM
Something??? Yeah, Ill vote for that :p



Damn, its going to be hard to win votes with out porn next time:eek:

When I won the best porn poster poll (before the official polls) I had pmed everybody on the entire forum who had posted in the last month :D

I'll have to use the slogan "Live Fully Clothed Chicks!"

All right, I have a vote for something. Yes!
Now I need a platform.

And definitely minions.

There is always a new person trying to ride on the backs of the big guys. There are millions of them out there. :D

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 08:03 PM
There is always a new person trying to ride on the backs of the big guys. There are millions of them out there. :D

You're right. The latest fad is to "adopt" a newb.
Vixen adopted Brantheman.
AmazonBitch adopted Blockbusted.

I'll start hunting for one too.

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 08:06 PM
CapitalRadioTwo swore to be my devoted slave - does that count?

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 08:08 PM
CapitalRadioTwo swore to be my devoted slave - does that count?

That sounds like it should. If he fans you with a palm frond, that qualifies.

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 08:12 PM
I need a slave. Whenever I'm gone they can bash other noobs and make smartass comments about the weather.

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 08:13 PM
Can we create ghostnicks to be our personal forum slaves?

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 08:19 PM
NO you have to earn your own like I had to :p

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 08:20 PM
Oh, I'll earn.
I'll earn.

:D

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 08:31 PM
:D

Do you have someone specific in mind??

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 08:33 PM
:D

Do you have someone specific in mind??

No, but I'm going to sit and watch for just the right newbie. This newbie will have to be uppity, and clever enough to help me recruit more so I end up with a legion of newbie minions.

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 08:36 PM
No, but I'm going to sit and watch for just the right newbie. This newbie will have to be uppity, and clever enough to help me recruit more so I end up with a legion of newbie minions.

I'm scared aph.

Aphrodite
August 19th, 2006, 08:42 PM
Dont worry Yusif, Ill protect you :D

yousickf'ingbastard
August 19th, 2006, 08:44 PM
But whose gonna protect Rk when the noobs attack him, the greedy little bastards! :mad:

rk237
August 19th, 2006, 08:44 PM
Nothing to worry about guys. I'll keep them all in line.
After a while, it'll just be like multiple copes of myself. :D

zooworker
August 19th, 2006, 09:15 PM
After a while, it'll just be like multiple copes of myself. :D
Now that's scary:D

Aphrodite
August 20th, 2006, 05:53 AM
Goddamn right.

RK, Im starting to worry about you :p

rk237
August 20th, 2006, 08:45 AM
Sheesh a guy just says he wants to have a legion of minions and suddenly everyone freaks out. :rolleyes:

Aphrodite
August 20th, 2006, 09:58 AM
LMAO :D

RK, Ive been meaning to have a quote of the week in my sig for ages, and now congratulations, you are the first winner :p

rk237
August 20th, 2006, 10:03 AM
LMAO :D

RK, Ive been meaning to have a quote of the week in my sig for ages, and now congratulations, you are the first winner :p

Honored :D

OzMan
August 25th, 2006, 03:40 AM
I already worry enough about where the movies I shelve have been, and in what hands, and that's just regular movies! If they're mysteriously sticky or wet, I panic! Hand sanitizer is your friend (if it works or not, it's still peace of mind). I would HATE to see what kind of filth customers would leave on porn, while rubbing up on other movies in the drop box. It's completely unsanitary.

Jizz covered amarays? No thanks.



Just because it is so well-written, and I haven't plugged it in quite some time:

http://www.improvresourcecenter.com/mb/tpcs.html

OzMan
August 25th, 2006, 03:44 AM
You're right. The latest fad is to "adopt" a newb.
Vixen adopted Brantheman.
AmazonBitch adopted Blockbusted.

I'll start hunting for one too.

"Adopt a N00b"??

Now I have heard EVERYTHING :rolleyes: