Application Forms: Greatest Hits

[MissHailstorm]

Someone handed in a CV today, and misspelled 'Curriculum'. It got me thinking: what are the best (worst) application forms and CVs you've seen?

Some of my favourites include:

The guy who could work 2 hours per week
The guy who left his old job for being caught stealing, and also having a criminal charge of being 'Drunk & Disorderly'
We had one girl who wrote about her weaknesses as well as her strengths on her CV, saying she could be shy and immature, and also had trouble being on time!
Not really a bad thing I suppose, but one guy handed in a CV, and application form, plus an entire folder of certificates he'd photocopied. Not just GCSEs and the like, but things like swimming certificates from when he was about 7 years old, and 'Good Report' certificates from school. We just ended up thinking he was a bit of a nutter.
I made a thread about it on here, but we once had someone hand in an application form, which was pretty piss-poor in itself, but I recognised the name as someone who owed us about £30 in EVFs, but we didn't have the correct address for him. So I used the address he gave us on the application form :D


Anyone got any good stories?

[igniteice]

There are a lot of good ones... they all escape me...

There was a guy who wrote his position desired as "restocking shelves" and then wrote skills as "good with hands."

Another person listed his parol officer as his personal reference.

[SavageUK]

The guy who left his old job for being caught stealing, and also having a criminal charge of being 'Drunk & Disorderly'
The stealing part is pretty fucked up, but you've got to give some people who've made mistakes in the past a chance. I'm not referring to the stealing from the store you work at, I mean the D&D. That is something that happened and can't be removed (too easily), and what other job is the person likely to be able to get with that on their record... at least they're applying to the sort of jobs that might accept them.

[smellmefingers]

I had this chick that applied that went to Brown University, She came back to ask about the job and I told her flat out you are too good and should be a waiter. I hooked her up with a job at around the block. This job would have popped her cheey. Anywho good day to you all.

[smellmefingers]

cherry i meant to say

[MissHailstorm]

The stealing part is pretty fucked up, but you've got to give some people who've made mistakes in the past a chance. I'm not referring to the stealing from the store you work at, I mean the D&D. That is something that happened and can't be removed (too easily), and what other job is the person likely to be able to get with that on their record... at least they're applying to the sort of jobs that might accept them.

You're probably right, but two examples of law-breaking on one application is pretty special. The guy was only 18 as well, so he'd hardly had much time to mature since his "mistake".

My boss once interviewed a girl who interviewed really, really well. But her name was familiar to some of us, until one of the staff remembered she was on the banned list for the shopping centre we are part of because she stole £120 worth of goods from the local Bewise. Remember, this is Bewise where everything is under £8, so this must have been a lot of stuff! To be fair, maybe my boss should've given her a chance, but when there's someone else who doesn't have a criminal record applying, seriously, who are you going to pick? :( But she didn't declare it or mention it in the interview, so that didn't help.


Also, non-application related, but at my boss's old store, his AM managed to hire someone who couldn't read! He somehow managed to get through the application and interview process, but it was discovered on his first shift when he couldn't put any of the films out. :eek:

[SavageUK]

You're probably right, but two examples of law-breaking on one application is pretty special. The guy was only 18 as well, so he'd hardly had much time to mature since his "mistake".
Oh sorry I didn't realise the full extent of it. You're right, I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt.

And I didn't know you worked in a shopping centre.... learn something new every day!

[MissHailstorm]

Oh sorry I didn't realise the full extent of it. You're right, I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt.
You don't have to declare these things after 3 years anyways. As for the stealing thing at his last job, if he had an ounce of a brain, he would've simply not mentioned why he left, unless asked. You can't lie on a CV, but nowhere does it say you have to admit anything.

That's why I always find it funny when people choose to put down bad points about themselves.

And I didn't know you worked in a shopping centre.... learn something new every day!

Yes, it's technically part of a shopping complex, though we're not indoors, we're considered part of it, and, as such, have to abide by any local bans, etc.

We had to consult the centre management about the possibly of even hiring her since she was banned from the centre. :D

[SavageUK]

Yes, it's technically part of a shopping complex, though we're not indoors, we're considered part of it, and, as such, have to abide by any local bans, etc.

Is that local banning of certain people, or just certain products the "centre" doesn't want you to stock?

[MissHailstorm]

Is that local banning of certain people, or just certain products the "centre" doesn't want you to stock?

Sorry, that's people. They ban little shits from time to time for a couple of months, and we have to refuse them entry, due to part of our agreement with the centre.

We aren't allowed to ever sell alcohol because of a local supermarket near-by. :o

[SavageUK]

I always wonder, when these bans are implemented (even for stores not part of a centre), how do the casual staff know who's allowed in and who isn't. I mean the "customers" do get a letter saying they're not allowed to come in, but how would anyone know if they did anyway, just from a name?

[MissHailstorm]

I always wonder, when these bans are implemented (even for stores not part of a centre), how do the casual staff know who's allowed in and who isn't. I mean the "customers" do get a letter saying they're not allowed to come in, but how would anyone know if they did anyway, just from a name?

Well, I guess they wouldn't. We get pictures of those banned, and familiarise ourselves as best we can. There's a security guard on duty during "normal" business hours (Mon-Sat, 9-5), so would deal with them if he saw them around.

It doesn't happen a great deal. I have trouble telling which kids are banned, and which aren't. We've often given kids verbal bans of our own, and I wouldn't know if they came back in. All the other MODs seem to have the ability to remember, though.

As for customers we've banned, at least we have the advantage of having their account.

[the boy wonder uk]

Ive had a guy who applied for a management position when I worked at Showcase that listed previous employment as the Electric Cinema (A well known porn cinema) and the whole CV was on bright pink paper.

[SavageUK]

http://www.electriccinema.co.uk/

Is that the right one, as they doesn't mention any porn :(

[the boy wonder uk]

No wrong town mate. Im not from the South.

[MissHailstorm]

http://www.electriccinema.co.uk/

Is that the right one, as they doesn't mention any porn :(

Were you hoping to catch a midnight show? :p

[wazootybob]

swimming certificates from when he was about 7 years old, and 'Good Report' certificates from school.

Well swimming honors are very important in a video store. . . somehow. And at least he may have gotten good marks for spelling. . .

I remember doing a follow up call for an application and the person I called for a reference told me the applicant "Is way over-qualified for this position, frankly you wouldn't be able to pay her what she is worth." In my best Lumberg voice "Well, yeah, she did apply here and well, we may or may not hire her."

[MissHailstorm]

Well swimming honors are very important in a video store. . . somehow. And at least he may have gotten good marks for spelling. . .

I remember doing a follow up call for an application and the person I called for a reference told me the applicant "Is way over-qualified for this position, frankly you wouldn't be able to pay her what she is worth." In my best Lumberg voice "Well, yeah, she did apply here and well, we may or may not hire her."

Was that professional or personal? Sounds to me, either way, like someone was tapped up there. If it was a professional referee, why'd they let her go in the first place? To go onto Blockbuster? :confused: Or was the referee the store manager of McDonalds? :D

[SavageUK]

No wrong town mate. Im not from the South.
Did I assume you were... oh my? You said this applicant had a reference from this place, not you. This guy can work in London just because you choose to live somewhere else.

Were you hoping to catch a midnight show? :p
That's right! :D, haven't seen any porno houses around here.

[wazootybob]

From what I remember the man was listed as a professional reference, some professor she assisted in her aerospace degree. Later we find out after hiring her, she liked to drink and be "involved" with several men. Ask HardcoreKeith for any details. :rolleyes:

[turtletime]

http://www.electriccinema.co.uk/

Is that the right one, as they doesn't mention any porn :(

hope not!!! not with that kids club section on their website!! altho, they are showing garfield, a tale of two kitties - now that's for sure a pussy movie if i've ever heard of one!! :rolleyes: :p

[OzMan]

Not really a bad thing I suppose, but one guy handed in a CV, and application form, plus an entire folder of certificates he'd photocopied. Not just GCSEs and the like, but things like swimming certificates from when he was about 7 years old, and 'Good Report' certificates from school. We just ended up thinking he was a bit of a nutter.

Sounds like you had Arnold J Rimmer applying at your store;)


I made a thread about it on here, but we once had someone hand in an application form, which was pretty piss-poor in itself, but I recognised the name as someone who owed us about £30 in EVFs, but we didn't have the correct address for him. So I used the address he gave us on the application form :D


Done that many a time.

Also recently had an app where the guy listed as the reason for leaving his last job was a "misunderstanding". Under criminal record, he listed "arrested for theft from [last job]" We called the place (a national retailer), and got lucky that they were willing to talk to us off the record. Seems the misunderstanding was that he was suspected of stealing $4000 in merchandise, but they could only prove $800 of it.

He also had a 10-year gap in employment, and the reason for leaving the job before that was to "take a better job" or something like that. I found it funny that it took him 10 years to start that "better job"

The worst part?? I caught it after the manager had already given him one interview and was thinking of calling him back and offering him the job!! :eek:

[OzMan]

From what I remember the man was listed as a professional reference, some professor she assisted in her aerospace degree. Later we find out after hiring her, she liked to drink and be "involved" with several men. Ask HardcoreKeith for any details. :rolleyes:



Well, Keith, if these are first-hand details, I think we would all like to hear about them;)

[HardcoreKeith]

Nah. Wazootybob set you up for disappointment with that one. She was always hinting that I and all other males present were not good enough for her, but she's now dating a guy who briefly worked for us as a CSR who's more of a dork than any of us. But maybe WB is remembering something I'm not?

[Meltdown]

Back in the day with a different employer I noticed this on someone's app:

"I need every Thrisday off since i have too go too court appinted conseling for my arest and convixion of lewd and lacivious assault/act on a child under the age of 12".

He had his probation officer's name and the name of his defense attorney down as references.

We failed to call him for an interview.

[whorehoppin]

I love seeing these people coming in asking for a job app...they always ask:

"is you high-ring?"
or
"can I get an app?" - sure, you just need a driver's license and credit card

they always look like they just got out of jail or else they're 15 years old because they ask how old you have to be and I say 18 and they're like, "Damn, 3 more years!"

seriously, why would you think that it'd be a good place to have your first job? You can't work if you're in school and we're open till 11 or midnight so we have no use for some teenager that has a 9:00 bedtime! When I was in high school you got a job as a bagger at a grocery store or worked in fast food or a dishwasher at a restaurant. Nobody was working as a cashier at the grocery store, nobody was working midnights at the gas station and nobody made more than $5.15/hr.

[coldie]

Yeah, I won't give them the chance if someone comes in and their limited vocabulary only allows a two-word question. "Ya'll hirin'?" is not a way to ask an employer if they're looking for applicants.

Of course, I'm not expecting "Excuse me sir, is your business operation seeking applicants for any available positions?" either.

[turtletime]

seriously, why would you think that it'd be a good place to have your first job? You can't work if you're in school and we're open till 11 or midnight so we have no use for some teenager that has a 9:00 bedtime! When I was in high school you got a job as a bagger at a grocery store or worked in fast food or a dishwasher at a restaurant. Nobody was working as a cashier at the grocery store, nobody was working midnights at the gas station and nobody made more than $5.15/hr.


$5.15 an hour in high school? Shit, that would have been nice! I think minimum when I got my first job at McD's was $3.45? Junior year. Damn, I'm old!! :(

9pm bedtime, huh? My parents were awesome! I closed every night at McD's so my curfew during the week was 3a.m. Curfew on Fridays and Saturdays? 6a.m. baby!! Parents gave me time for a shitty close and then about 2 hours to hang out with my friends after. Never mind that our typical close got done by like 1:15 (store closed at 1), and it took me 35 minutes to drive home...so, that left a few hours of getting in trouble time. :D Good thing for them I was a good kid!!

I'm so not letting my kids work during high school!!!

Another age change must be coming up...ya got me thinking about the "good ole days!" :D

[Beer_Monkey]

I had a guy apply with a Marajuana dealing conviction.

Come to think of it I should have hired him it may have been good for business.

Live Learn and Act

[SavageUK]

9pm bedtime, huh? My parents were awesome! I closed every night at McD's so my curfew during the week was 3a.m. Curfew on Fridays and Saturdays? 6a.m. baby!! Parents gave me time for a shitty close and then about 2 hours to hang out with my friends after. Never mind that our typical close got done by like 1:15 (store closed at 1), and it took me 35 minutes to drive home...so, that left a few hours of getting in trouble time. :D Good thing for them I was a good kid!!
I don't think whorehoppin was referring to anyone able to drive... I'm not too familiar on the age restrictions for driving in the US (I know they're more releaxed than the UK though), but I assume if you're able to drive then you're old enough not to be under a 9pm curfew set by your parents, that whorehoppin was suggesting. I assume you were around 16yo when you were driving home from work after a 1am close, but whorehoppin was probably referring to a 13/14 year old.

[coldie]

US driving works like this:

Most states allow limited permits (with license-holder in passenger seat) for ages 15 or 16. They can't drive without a license holding passenger.

At 16, you get your license, but some states set a 9pm curfew for driving (exceptions allowed for work and school related functions)

After a certain amount of time, the curfew is taken away.

In many states, if you drop out of high school your license is revoked.

[CureForEmo]

My favorite bbv interview was when I asked the applicant how familiar he was with our stores. He told me not very and proceeded to describe in great detail about his preference for buying bootlegs out of somebody's trunk down at the old abandoned mall up the road from us. I just kind of nodded that one off "uh-huh, that could work," but the final straw was with our next question.

I went into the usual "sell me something", and he hesitated, so I clarified that it could be anything, didn't have to be a bb program, just whatever item he "knows." He went into a pitch about hooking me up with a dime bag, this was the good shit, couldn't find better at this price...I thought I was being punk'd or something.

[zooworker]

Parents gave me time for a shitty close and then about 2 hours to hang out with my friends after. Never mind that our typical close got done by like 1:15 (store closed at 1), and it took me 35 minutes to drive home...so, that left a few hours of getting in trouble time. :D Good thing for them I was a good kid!!


If you were a good kid, you would have gone straight home.:D

[turtletime]

If you were a good kid, you would have gone straight home.:D

Hey, i was a good kid...honest!!! I was!!!! C'mon, ya gotta believe me!! ;) I mean, it's not like we went up behind the lake and got plowed or anything like that!

I don't think whorehoppin was referring to anyone able to drive... I'm not too familiar on the age restrictions for driving in the US (I know they're more releaxed than the UK though), but I assume if you're able to drive then you're old enough not to be under a 9pm curfew set by your parents, that whorehoppin was suggesting. I assume you were around 16yo when you were driving home from work after a 1am close, but whorehoppin was probably referring to a 13/14 year old.

I know the reference wasn't to driving...I figured it was about the fact that most states have a time (i.e. 10pm) after which minors are not allowed by law to work past. For example, in Washington, during the school year, minors aged 14-15 (such as those whorehoppin mentioned), cannot work past 7pm. 16-17 year olds not past 10pm.

[zooworker]

Hey, i was a good kid...honest!!! I was!!!! C'mon, ya gotta believe me!! ;) I mean, it's not like we went up behind the lake and got plowed or anything like that!.
Come on what did you do for 2 hours before going home? Hummmm?:rolleyes:

[turtletime]

Come on what did you do for 2 hours before going home? Hummmm?:rolleyes:


hmmm, I think, we went up behind...(cough, cough) the ummm, lake and uhhh, got pretty fucking drunk!!!! :) Actually, a lot of times, we would just go hang out somewhere, shooting the shit, until it was time for all of us to go home...course, there were those weekends where I would stay in town at my best friends place...and we were just starting to sober up when we went to work the next night...at 5pm! :D

Nah, I never got drunk! :rolleyes:

[zooworker]

hmmm, I think, we went up behind...(cough, cough) the ummm, lake and uhhh, got pretty fucking drunk!!!! :) Actually, a lot of times, we would just go hang out somewhere, shooting the shit, until it was time for all of us to go home...course, there were those weekends where I would stay in town at my best friends place...and we were just starting to sober up when we went to work the next night...at 5pm! :D

Nah, I never got drunk! :rolleyes:
Now we know! You were normal just like the rest.:D

[turtletime]

Now we know! You were normal just like the rest.:D

what? You thought I was abnormal??? :) On second thought, don't answer that!! :)

[zooworker]

what? You thought I was abnormal??? :)
Anyone that hangs out all night and doesn't do anything and not get in trouble is abnormal. But now that you have confessed, you are normal.:)

[turtletime]

Anyone that hangs out all night and doesn't do anything and not get in trouble is abnormal. But now that you have confessed, you are normal.:)

see, technically, saying I didn't get into trouble wouldn't mean that though...it just means i was smart enough to not get my drunken ass caught!! :D :D We did plenty. Most of it consisted of alcohol and the fun one can have with it...

hmmm, alcohol. Damn it!! There we did it! Now I want a drink! :)

[zooworker]

hmmm, alcohol. Damn it!! There we did it! Now I want a drink! :)
Just what we need, another drunk IHBB member:D :D

[turtletime]

Just what we need, another drunk IHBB member:D :D

yeah, well, it won't be me. I can still only live vicariously thru others and their drinking! :)

[zooworker]

yeah, well, it won't be me. I can still only live vicariously thru others and their drinking! :)
Well, that's no fun.......:rolleyes:

[turtletime]

Well, that's no fun.......:rolleyes:

yeah well...one must do what one must do. but, just wait, someday soon, I too will be a drunken IHBB poster! :) :)

[zooworker]

yeah well...one must do what one must do. but, just wait, someday soon, I too will be a drunken IHBB poster! :) :)
Just make sure you use the spell checker when you do.:D

[turtletime]

Just make sure you use the spell checker when you do.:D

no way!! that'd be half the fun...making people try to figure out what the hell you are trying to say. they can't hear the slur, so make 'em read it instead! :) :)

[zooworker]

noo wy!! thet'd be halv the fun...macing peolpe tri to fiqure out whit the hell yu ar tring to saiy. theay can' here the slur, so macke 'em reed it insteade! :) :)
Started kinda early huh?:D

[Mr. Stay Puft]

Back on topic (I know, sorry), I once had an applicant answer the "how did you hear about this job," question with the frankly brilliant, "with my Super Ears."

Got a laugh, but not the job.

[zooworker]

It amazes me how many people come in my store looking like crap, gang tats on the neck looking for a job. Most can't even figure out how to use the electronic application. First impression is the most important part of applying for a job.

[Meltdown]

It amazes me how many people come in my store looking like crap, gang tats on the neck looking for a job. Most can't even figure out how to use the electronic application. First impression is the most important part of applying for a job.

I've often wondered about that.

When I applied for my first job at the age of 16 at a grocery store I wore a suit and tie. My father had taken the time to explain the concept to me of making a good impression. The store manager was so blown away about the fact that I dressed correctly and had a resume with me he hired me on the spot.

Hell, even in high school they taught us in some bullshit class called "life management skills" (a required 1/2 credit class which everyone had to take) to dress correctly for an interview and how to conduct yourself for that interview.

Based on what rolls into my store now, I suspect they aren't teaching that class any longer. Pity. Too many kids (and adults for that matter) without a clue in the world on how to properly handle an interview.

[coldie]

I'm tired of this tired answer in the interviews my SM sticks me with...

Me: So, why would you like to work for Blockbuster?
Applicant: Cuz I need the money.
Me: ...of course, that's why anyone would want a job. What I mean is what did you feel was appealing about our store that made you want to apply for a job?
Applicant: Cuz dey told me ya'lls was hiring and I need the money.
Me: ...right, well, I guess that's all the questions I have for you.

[AbandonedDreams]

I love seeing these people coming in asking for a job app...they always ask:

"is you high-ring?"
or
"can I get an app?" - sure, you just need a driver's license and credit card

they always look like they just got out of jail or else they're 15 years old because they ask how old you have to be and I say 18 and they're like, "Damn, 3 more years!"

seriously, why would you think that it'd be a good place to have your first job? You can't work if you're in school and we're open till 11 or midnight so we have no use for some teenager that has a 9:00 bedtime! When I was in high school you got a job as a bagger at a grocery store or worked in fast food or a dishwasher at a restaurant. Nobody was working as a cashier at the grocery store, nobody was working midnights at the gas station and nobody made more than $5.15/hr.



Blockbuster was my second job, but I was 16 when I got hired (this was in 2003). I didn't have a car, but my parents drove me around/let me drive their car until I got mine. My store closed at 10 on the weeknights and 12 on weekends so my SM worked me like 4-10 on weeknights and normal closing shifts on Friday and Saturday. Minors aren't supposed to work after I think its 10pm in my state, but we just never got caught. :-P

[GrumpyASM]

I started working for Blockbuster before I got my driver's license. It was kinda odd how my non-existant transportation was more reliable than other people who actually had cars. I guess I did have friends and family that could take me to work and pick me up, but still.

On another note, the worst application I ever received had typos everywhere, no high school diploma, no work history, and two felony convictions. Yeah...that person didn't get called for an interview.

Pet Peeves during the interview process:

Me: So why do you want to work for Blockbuster?
Them: I heard ya'll got free rentals, and could burn movies before they come out. (people have actually admitted to wanting to burn our rentals in the interview process) OR
Them: I wanted an easy job. (I know its just a video store, but there's lots of behind the scenes stuff people!)

[Mr. Stay Puft]

It wasn't for BB, but the worst CV (resume) I ever received was half a side of handwritten A4 paper.

[OzMan]

Just what we need, another drunk IHBB member:D :D


Reminds me of a great story from this week-end (at least the parts that I can post publicly).

Went out with a friend this week-end. Borrowed another friend's car, and ended up with a flat battery.

Ended up at 3 in the morning, getting a jumpstart from the local coke dealer.

And yet, no one I know seems to find this strange at all (besides the fact that it was the most normal part of the day, anyway)

[zooworker]

Reminds me of a great story from this week-end (at least the parts that I can post publicly).

Went out with a friend this week-end. Borrowed another friend's car, and ended up with a flat battery.

Ended up at 3 in the morning, getting a jump start from the local coke dealer.

And yet, no one I know seems to find this strange at all (besides the fact that it was the most normal part of the day, anyway)
I have had flat tires, and dead batteries, but never a battery that went flat.:D

[SavageUK]

I have had flat tires, and dead batteries, but never a battery that went flat.:D
God that is picky that it isn't even funny. In England you'll more commonly hear "flat battery" than "dead battery". In my country, the term "dead" usually implies it had some sort of organic life to begin with, which a battery doesn't.

[zooworker]

God that is picky that it isn't even funny. In England you'll more commonly hear "flat battery" than "dead battery". In my country, the term "dead" usually implies it had some sort of organic life to begin with, which a battery doesn't.
I wasn't aware of the term in england for a battery gone bad. In US dead battery is the term we use. Sorry if it offended you.:o

[SavageUK]

I wasn't aware of the term in england for a battery gone bad. In US dead battery is the term we use. Sorry if it offended you.:o
Nah I didn't mean to make it seem so harsh, I just have never got on with the little differences in language of America, UK, and Austrailia, that I wanted to set it straight.

[zooworker]

Nah I didn't mean to make it seem so harsh, I just have never got on with the little differences in language of America, UK, and Austrailia, that I wanted to set it straight.
Funny how the English language can be so different, :cool:

[OzMan]

I have had flat tires, and dead batteries, but never a battery that went flat.:D

Well, I have never seen anyone use "tire" as a noun. And besides the battery, the only other thing I've had gone flat on the car is a TYRE:D


Funny how the English language can be so different, :cool:


Two (or three or more) countries separated by a common language.....