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Unread September 13th, 2007, 04:03 PM
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33 Things That Only Happpen In Movies

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard.

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone's Law).

29. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

30. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

31. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

32. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

33. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
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Unread September 13th, 2007, 04:12 PM
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Welcome back, Aph. Where the heck you been? We missed ya

MOM
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Unread September 13th, 2007, 04:18 PM
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Awww thanks Mom

Im feeling the love tonight...

I may have to go away more often
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Unread September 13th, 2007, 04:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aphrodite View Post
I may have to go away more often
Bathroom breaks only!
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Unread September 13th, 2007, 04:24 PM
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LOL

Okay
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Unread September 13th, 2007, 07:52 PM
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funny ................
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Unread September 13th, 2007, 07:59 PM
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Unread September 13th, 2007, 08:27 PM
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Roger Ebert runs a "movie glossary" full of these cinematic laws.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/...egory=GLOSSARY

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aphrodite View Post
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
And if someone calls you and tells you "quick, turn on the tv", the news story will automatically rewind to the beginning as soon as you find the channel.

Also:

- Computer programs always display their functions and operations in large easy-to-read fonts. When you guess a password, it either flashes ACCESS GRANTED in a green window or ACCESS DENIED in a red window.

- Hitting someone in the head or the back of the neck knocks them unconscious but never causes a concussion.

- If you're fighting hand-to-hand in an epic battle, you can take a timeout simply by spotting your archenemy at the other end of the battlefield or by stooping down to tend to a wounded comrade. All the noise around you will fade out so you can hear their last request, and no one will attack you until you stand back up and scream with rage, and even then they will only come at you in slow motion.

- All groups of friends larger than three include a person of African-American descent.

- Opening the door of a mirrored medicine cabinet automatically summons the killer or malevolent supernatural entity.
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  #9  
Unread September 13th, 2007, 08:36 PM
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--no matter the restaurant, you can always walk out without getting, or paying, your bill.

must be nice!! i wanna find those kinds of restaurants!
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Unread September 13th, 2007, 10:19 PM
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* It is impossible to write an email, IM, or message in a chat room without speaking the words you are typing out loud.

* When remembering a past event, you will always envision it in 3rd person, never from your eyes/point of view.

* Looking through binoculars produces a view framed by two circles instead of the close up, noncircular view that binoculars actually produce.

* If a cat scares you and you breathe a sigh of relief and say, "It's just a cat" LOOK OUT! The killer is now right behind you.

* Every street in California is lined with palm trees.

Last edited by Propoxy; September 13th, 2007 at 10:41 PM.
 

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