Customers say the DARNDEST things! (Part 4)

[ASM69]

A family comes in the store today, like every other day. Mother and 2 kids 1 boy and 1 girl. Kids ask me about the silly bands and the boy asks me for a particular kids movie, normal everyday stuff right??? Not untill the girl comes up to me and let me first say they were about 12 or so maybe younger. Girl comes up with a big smile and says "WHERE ARE YOUR CAMERAS???" I look at her like WTF?? And then she asks me "O ARE THEY THE BLACK BALLS ON THE CEILING?" And it really sucked to think this but I did. I wondered, is this going to be one of those family style theft situations? Where the mom orchestrates while the kids load up? Amazing.

[TheAnomaly]

Caller: "Do you have a henway?"
Me: "No, doesn't look like we do." (OK, I was a little slow... opening after doing inventory and all)
Caller: "Do you have a henway??"
Me: "...No..."
Caller: "Do you know what a henway is?"
Me: "Yeah, about four pounds."

Had I been thinking clearly at the time...
Him: "Do you have a henway?"
Me: "No, but we have a dickfor and some updog."

[Sourapplepucker]

Originally Posted by TheAnomaly

Caller: "Do you have a henway?"
Me: "No, doesn't look like we do." (OK, I was a little slow... opening after doing inventory and all)
Caller: "Do you have a henway??"
Me: "...No..."
Caller: "Do you know what a henway is?"
Me: "Yeah, about four pounds."

Had I been thinking clearly at the time...
Him: "Do you have a henway?"
Me: "No, but we have a dickfor and some updog."

I get this sort of thing a lot. People who have nothing better to do than to test the cashier's intelligence with jokes and trivia and vocabulary, definitions and spelling. Mostly, they try to get me with spelling, for instance giving me movie titles to look up with tricky words, like, "Do you have that movie called Rhinoceros Renaissance?" The latest example of a real title would be the person who called and asked for Les Miserables, pronouncing it Lay Mizerob, and then asking how I spelled it. Of course I spelled it correctly. But would it really be hilarious if I couldn't spell a title in a language that was not my native language? I don't see how that's any real test of intelligence.

The phone rings. It's that guy.

That Guy: "Hey, do you have that one movie called Antidisestablishmentarianismist?"

Me: "How do you spell it?"

After he finishes reading a-n-t-i-d-i-s-e-s-t-a-b-l-i-s-h-m-e-n-t-a-r-i-a-n-i-s-m-i-s-t off of his computer screen because he can't spell it by memory, I reply, "No, 'it' is spelled EYE TEE." (Diva snap!)

Dear That Guy: Really, do you have nothing better to do than try to make yourself feel smarter by testing the I.Q. of a poor cashier who suffers in a shitty hellhole? Is your self-confidence really that low? If I failed your little test, would you high five your buddies and go, "Dude, total hardcore fail!" Would you post the recording on Youtube? This worked on Howard Stern because he did it with strippers, and asked them stuff like, "Who is the president?" It doesn't work on college-educated people who take on a weekend job for some extra cash in a terrible economy, with questions that you, yourself, wouldn't be able to answer if the cheat sheet wasn't right in front of you.

It also doesn't help that the prank caller is sometimes my store manager.

[lucky me]

Originally Posted by Sourapplepucker

It also doesn't help that the prank caller is sometimes my store manager.

LMAO I wasn't expecting that after the rest of your post.

[Antithesys]

Almost eleven years and I still get new ones.

(For those of you whose stores aren't closing...yet...there's a dozen different barcodes to scan and if you don't sell the items and scan the barcodes in the proper order then it takes off too much.)

Me: Blockbuster Sunnydale, this is Anti.
Customer: I was just in there and I bought a bunch of those $3.99 movies and three $9.99 movies, and I think I was charged too little.
Me: ...okay?
Customer: The receipt has a "coupon" for $28.60.
Me: Oh, it usually says "coupon" when it means a discount, which is what you'd get on some of the $9.99 movies if they initially ring up as more.
Customer: But $28.60?
Me: Well that is odd. But sometimes our discount barcodes take off too much if we don't do them in a specific order. It's no big deal.
Customer: Well can we add this to my credit card over the phone, or should I come in and do an adjustment?
Me: ...why would you want to do that?
Customer: I want to be honest.
Me: Well thank you, but it's not a big deal. We're closing no matter what, and we're making profit on everything, so this is just a mistake that will give us a bit less profit.
Customer: ...well...okay...

I looked up the NM history and determined that my error was ringing all the $3.99 no-cover movies first, then doing a $14.99 PVD which required a barcode scan, resulting in taking 34% off of everything in the transaction up to that point. Won't do that again, I say to myself, and continue receiving the 19 boxes of random discs of TV shows they sent us today for no other reason than to fuck with our heads.

Half an hour later she actually comes back into the store with the receipt.

Customer: I really want to take care of this.
Me: You don't have to! Seriously! I figured out what I did wrong and will simply correct it in the future.
Customer: But it isn't right!
Me: It's not like I'm going to get into trouble for it. Nobody's going to care. I get paid either way, and the company's going out of business regardless of whether they get your $28.60.
Customer: ...well...okay...

I'm anticipating a call from our friends in India telling us to charge the lady's card $28.60.

[MamaSmurf]

Originally Posted by Antithesys

Almost eleven years and I still get new ones.

(For those of you whose stores aren't closing...yet...there's a dozen different barcodes to scan and if you don't sell the items and scan the barcodes in the proper order then it takes off too much.)

Me: Blockbuster Sunnydale, this is Anti.
Customer: I was just in there and I bought a bunch of those $3.99 movies and three $9.99 movies, and I think I was charged too little.
Me: ...okay?
Customer: The receipt has a "coupon" for $28.60.
Me: Oh, it usually says "coupon" when it means a discount, which is what you'd get on some of the $9.99 movies if they initially ring up as more.
Customer: But $28.60?
Me: Well that is odd. But sometimes our discount barcodes take off too much if we don't do them in a specific order. It's no big deal.
Customer: Well can we add this to my credit card over the phone, or should I come in and do an adjustment?
Me: ...why would you want to do that?
Customer: I want to be honest.
Me: Well thank you, but it's not a big deal. We're closing no matter what, and we're making profit on everything, so this is just a mistake that will give us a bit less profit.
Customer: ...well...okay...

I looked up the NM history and determined that my error was ringing all the $3.99 no-cover movies first, then doing a $14.99 PVD which required a barcode scan, resulting in taking 34% off of everything in the transaction up to that point. Won't do that again, I say to myself, and continue receiving the 19 boxes of random discs of TV shows they sent us today for no other reason than to fuck with our heads.

Half an hour later she actually comes back into the store with the receipt.

Customer: I really want to take care of this.
Me: You don't have to! Seriously! I figured out what I did wrong and will simply correct it in the future.
Customer: But it isn't right!
Me: It's not like I'm going to get into trouble for it. Nobody's going to care. I get paid either way, and the company's going out of business regardless of whether they get your $28.60.
Customer: ...well...okay...

I'm anticipating a call from our friends in India telling us to charge the lady's card $28.60.

lol that's a cute story. Kinda reminds me of about a year ago when the store I was in was overloaded with In/Out candy and we wanted to get rid of it. Marked every thing with 75% off stickers, then used the barcode for the discount. Half the staff were braindead and couldn't understand the concept of scanning the candy, then the barcode before anything else. We had tons of customers walk out with NR retail for like $5. That barcode makes down everything retail. Ugh. Eventually I just overrode all the prices to the correct one and blacked out the barcode on the sheets.

But not once did a customer come back to pay more!

[BUYMECAR]

Originally Posted by MamaSmurf

lol that's a cute story. Kinda reminds me of about a year ago when the store I was in was overloaded with In/Out candy and we wanted to get rid of it. Marked every thing with 75% off stickers, then used the barcode for the discount. Half the staff were braindead and couldn't understand the concept of scanning the candy, then the barcode before anything else. We had tons of customers walk out with NR retail for like $5. That barcode makes down everything retail. Ugh. Eventually I just overrode all the prices to the correct one and blacked out the barcode on the sheets.

But not once did a customer come back to pay more!

wow, you're not kidding when you're using the term "braindead", are you? O_O

[MamaSmurf]

^. Nope, I wasn't kidding. Not the sharpest bunch working in that store. Processing information was always a challenge for them

[TheAnomaly]

C: "Do you have any Playstation 4 games?"
Me: "No, sorry."
C: "Why not?!?"
Me: "My flux capacitor's not working right now."


Backstory: We're a smaller store, so we only have one run of new retail, and it's on the back of our kids rental section. We have the 99 cent three day rental extenders on the category signs, which you can obviously see from the retail side.

Her: All these movies are 99 cents?
Me: No, that sign is for the kids movies on the other side."
Her: But it says 99 cents.
Me: Right. It says 99 cents for a three day rental. These movies are for sale.
Her: I'm not STUPID. The SIGN is stupid.


Him: "What are lions?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Him: "What are lions?"
Me: "Well, they're an animal... uh..."
Him: "NO! LIONS! L-I-N-E-S!"
Me: "Oh. The lines. Someone broke the screen."


Me: "Thank you for calling Blockbuster etc etc etc."
C: "Do you have porn?"
Me: "No, sorry."
C: "Can you recommend any?! Please?! I'm desperate!!"
Me: "I hear the one with your mom in it was pretty good."


C: "Do you have the movie with the little owls on the cover."
Me: "Yes we do."
C: "Could you hold it for me."
Me: "Sure, I guess."
C: "Ooh. That feels good. Hold it tighter."
Me: "Oh. This is one of those calls."

[MamaSmurf]

Anti: the Flux capacitator part:
Lol. That's beautiful. I'm going to steal that line!