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Unread May 8th, 2011, 06:28 AM
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Talking Get your jokes here

Thought I would start a thread where we just post jokes we get from friends/co-workers/family that make you laugh. Because we all need a good laugh...

Here's mine for today:

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. *Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. *This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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  #2  
Unread May 8th, 2011, 08:13 AM
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Didn't you say you were going to post a joke?
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It puts the movie in the basket.
It puts the movie in the basket!
It drops the movie in the bin or else it gets the fee again.
PUT THE FUCKING MOVIE IN THE FUCKING BASKET.
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Unread May 8th, 2011, 05:09 PM
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Yes, and that was. Did you think that was a news story?
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Life is not one thing after another, it's the same God damn thing over and over -- Dorothy Parker
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Unread May 8th, 2011, 05:29 PM
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a duck walked into a bar....and said, "OUCH!"
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Unread May 8th, 2011, 05:35 PM
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Theres a farmer and he has a parrot and everywhere he goes the parrot goes.One day hes driving into town and he has a truckload of chickens,hes talkign to his parrot then he sees a really hot chick walking down the street.he starts thinking"well i havent had sex in a while so i might get some now". so he stops and asked "do you need a ride cause towns pretty far away" and then the chick replies "yes i do needa ride" then the farmer says "youll have to have sex with me first and she refuses and he says "no fuck no ride" then the parrot says "no fuck no ride" a little on down the road and he sees another chick even hotter than the last one and he does the same thing,only she says she'll have sex with him.so he's doing her and his parrot is sqwaking and wont shut up so the farmer throws the parrot in the bakc with the chickens. after the farmer is done doing this chick he gets pulled over.the officer comes to the window and says i need to see your licence and registration.the farmer then askes "why'd you pull me ove rofficer? i wasnt speeding and im not drunk"then the cop replies "its not your driving,its cause you have a parrot in the back of your truck throwing chickens out the back saying "no fuck no ride no fuck no ride!"
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Unread May 9th, 2011, 09:10 AM
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SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRAT-ISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

AMERICAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one, and force he other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CAPITALISM You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CAPITALISM You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CAPITALISM Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You invite 200 mates over for a barbie.

MacQUARIE BANK CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows and a management fee stream for six cows. The milk rights of the seven cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all eight cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns nine cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with ten cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive

SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
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Life is not one thing after another, it's the same God damn thing over and over -- Dorothy Parker
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Unread May 10th, 2011, 10:44 AM
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that was good and thats all i gottta say about that.
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I dont know maybe i could go to school and become a civil engineer, Design septic tanks for playgrounds.
So little kids can take a shit!
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Unread May 10th, 2011, 06:12 PM
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Yeah, and every teabagger you lot have should be required to read that list until they understand the difference between Socialism, Communism, and Fascism, and can speak intelligibly about them.


Yeah, a bloke can dream
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Unread June 8th, 2011, 12:20 PM
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More, please.
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  #10  
Unread June 8th, 2011, 08:20 PM
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Love this comic strip!!!
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